How To Maintain Your Individuality In A Relationship

Dr. Ankit Sharma, PhD

How To Maintain Your Individuality

Congratulations if you recently got engaged and are ecstatic about your impending marriage! While there’s no denying the positive feelings that come with being engaged, it’s also acceptable to acknowledge that there are a variety of other feelings that are completely normal to go through at this point in life. One of those feelings is a sense of losing your identity. This isn’t just a sign of recently getting engaged; being in a serious relationship can make you feel more like a “we” than a “me.” In such cases, you should know how to maintain your individuality.

Love has the power to transform the world into something more vivid, with food tasting better, colors seeming brighter, and radio songs finally making sense. The honeymoon stage is a genuine thing, and at first, you will be smitten with this person. However, the most crucial thing to keep in mind is to not lose yourself in this novel and thrilling adventure or forget who you were before starting this connection. How do you go about doing this? Now let’s go through it!

Tips For Maintaining Your Individuality

1. Put Yourself First

It might sound selfish, but putting yourself first is an answer to how to maintain your individuality. Even in a romantic relationship, self-care is still very important. It shows that you are still taking care of yourself. Sustaining your interests, working towards your objectives, and doing the things you like are examples of self-care.

Don’t rely on anybody else to satisfy you. It’s amazing that you and your spouse enjoy activities together and have a lot in common, but you still need to take care of yourself and follow your hobbies to satisfy your own needs.

Getting your makeup done at your favorite salon, watching an episode of your favorite web series, cooking, swimming, planting, singing, making a friend or five, saying no like it’s your job, taking photography lessons, joining a dance group, starting a book club, gathering wine, and so on are all acceptable if they give you a few minutes of pure happiness. Just take back what is yours, and don’t forget to acknowledge the people and things you find objectionable.

2. Know If You Are Losing Your Individuality

It goes without saying that if you don’t acknowledge your issue, you can’t fix it. You may have grown up believing that marriage and relationships are all about sacrifice, especially if you’re a woman. Furthermore, a lot of the individuals in your life have shaped who you are as a person, so how can you know who you are?

Remember that losing yourself in a relationship is not entirely your fault. You have been gradually giving up yourself for a while, and perhaps subconsciously you have come to believe that this is the right thing to do. You may have been conditioned for such sacrifice by what you witnessed and learned growing up.

Maybe it comes from the romantic comedy you grew up watching, which may have conditioned women to put their spouses’ needs ahead of their own. Alternatively, it is possible that your family socialized you to abandon your interests in favor of being a member of the family or relationship. Whatever the cause, acknowledge that conditioning or socialization may play a significant role in a person losing their sense of self.

3. Know Your self-worth

Knowing your self-worth is one of the ways to maintain your individuality. We may sometimes transgress limits we wouldn’t normally cross out of self-respect. Whether you are doing things that make you feel ashamed or putting up with being treated badly, this is another sign that the relationship is unhealthy for you.

Never give up the right to be treated with civility and decency. If someone steps beyond this boundary, you have to get rid of them right away. This treatment will only become worse if you let it, and you’ll come to hate yourself for letting it happen.

4. Know You Are Capable To Make Decision

Think of your ability to make decisions like a muscle that atrophies from inactivity. We are less inclined to make future decisions and think independently the less we submit to our partners while making decisions.

This is not to say that you have to make every choice alone; rather, it means that you should be aware of any tendency you may have to consult your spouse twice before acting, particularly when it comes to relatively small decisions like a small grocery shop.

Continue to reason on your own and make judgments, no matter how little. By doing this, you help to maintain your sense of self and your capacity for independent thought.

5. Communicate Honestly

Honest communication can be an answer to how to maintain your individuality. In many cases, the foundation of a strong relationship is open and honest communication.

After you’ve identified your requirements, you should attempt to have an open discussion with your spouse about how they might assist you in valuing your uniqueness. Asking your spouse to support you in maintaining a connection inside the relationship—while maintaining a clear sense of individuality that respects your partner’s differences—might be a good idea.

You may claim that your voice and emotions are just as important in the relationship as your partner’s by stating your demands with confidence. Having open and sincere discussions about your wants may also support the preservation of the relationship’s power dynamics and feeling of equality.

6. Have Healthy Boundaries

Setting and upholding boundaries is another way to keep your sense of self. They safeguard your identity and who you are. Just make sure you let your spouse know what your limits are and want them to be respected.

You may feel more powerful, self-assured, and in control of your relationship and yourself when you have healthy boundaries. You’ll feel the complete opposite if you don’t set any limits! You’ll feel worn out, depleted, and to be honest, a little dejected.

In a partnership, setting limits is quite appropriate. It’s OK for everyone to have boundaries about what they will and won’t put up with in another person! It is not appropriate to expect you to give up your limits because someone asks you to. It is one of the wonderful tips for how to maintain your individuality.

7. Stay True To Yourself

Don’t strive to be someone you’re not and try to alter who you are. Perhaps you have little interest in sports, but your spouse is a huge fan. In some situations, the adage “fake it ’til you make it” does not hold. Trying to behave the way you believe they want you to be is not in your best interest. Tell your lover and yourself the truth about who you are.

If not, you’ll wind up pretending to be someone you’re not, and you’ll be really sad if you have to watch sports every day and wear a shirt for a team you’ve never heard of.

Take a moment to reflect on the connections you have had, both past and present. In what ways have you given of yourself? How do you retrieve them? Be confident in who you are, and accept who you are. No matter who you are, your lover will still like you and be pleased with you for being yourself. We’ll also be pleased with you.

8. Do Not Compromise Too Much

Despite what we’ve been taught, the first steps in resolving disagreement in relationships don’t include agreeing, caving in, or showing kindness. The true art of compromise starts with refusing to give in.

I encounter a lot of couples in my practice who got into their marriages by caving into their partners because they were under the false impression that being loved meant being liked by your spouse. One person may join in, “Happy wife, happy life,” while another may take great satisfaction in being adaptable and flexible.

They are left feeling resentful and empty after a few years of attempting to express their love by giving in. After this brief moment of illusionary happiness, the conversation often turns into conflict. There is a sense of “It’s your way or the highway” and “I’m not allowed to have needs” on both sides.

At this point, the partners start to express their desires extremely clearly and stop listening to their spouses out of fear of having to give in. Put another way, they were too soft at first, too hard later, and now they cannot live in the center, where one can be kind and honest while still standing up for oneself. It is one of the best tips for how to maintain your individuality.

Benefits Of Maintaining Individuality In A Relationship

It is crucial for a married couple to know how to maintain their individuality to have a long-lasting and positive relationship dynamic. To have a good marital life, both spouses must preserve their uniqueness and appreciate that of their spouse.

Every individual cares about their own and their partner’s ongoing personal growth. When two strong individuals add their unique and different talents to their union, a marriage succeeds and flourishes.

Many claim that to be in a relationship, one must give up some things and make certain concessions. To live up to society’s standards of what makes a successful relationship, they conceal a side of themselves. This more often than not leads to a dysfunctional, secretive relationship. The genuine connection and closeness that most couples want are often lacking.

You must have a strong sense of individuality and autonomy if you want to be a decent person in your relationship and life. It will enable you to continue developing and enhancing the unique qualities and behaviors that reflect your values and passions. Acknowledge your early losses and pain like a true adult. Recognize the role they played in influencing your current behavior.

Put more simply, it refers to deliberately identifying and overcoming the defenses you developed as a youngster and enhancing any unfavorable biases or attitudes. Be willing to share your innermost ideas, emotions, aspirations, and ambitions without reservation. Consider the nugget of truth in your spouse’s remarks rather than fighting yourself against their advice or criticism.


Q: In a partnership, what does it mean to retain individuality?

A: Preserving your personality and hobbies while in a committed partnership is what it means to maintain uniqueness in a relationship.

Q: Why does it matter?

A: It’s crucial because it fosters respect for one another, personal development, and a more solid, happy marriage.

Q: Does it enhance intimacy?

A: Yes, emotional closeness is frequently strengthened when each couple finds fulfillment on their own.

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