All of us have heard the song ‘Let It Go’ by Idina Menzel from the Disney movie Frozen. It said, “Let it go, let it go/Can’t hold it back anymore/Let it go, let it go/Turn away and slam the door.”
Like Princess Elsa, we too should slam the door on negativity and open another to new possibilities. Sometimes it can be difficult to let go of the shadow of the past. Here are some tips for letting go of the past.
How to Move Forward in Life
Most people have, at some point, wondered how to let go of a painful past. It’s natural to feel that your current emotional pain is still tied to what you experienced in the past. But though the past caused it, letting go of the pain starts with concentrating on today.
1. Ask Yourself If the Pain is Comfortable
After feeling hurt for a long time, you may grow accustomed to the emotional pain. It may feel safe and familiar. Maybe you have recognized it as part of your identity. Maybe staying angry at that person feels safer because it lets you keep your distance. Emotional growing pains can be challenging.
Moving away from the things you have felt and thought about for a long time can be uncomfortable. But healing, joy, and peace of mind often come through the process of letting go. It may not be the case for everyone, but if you ask yourself, “Why can’t I let go?” try to listen to your inner voice, which can reveal the reasons.
2. Be Determined to Let It Go
To heal, you have to feel it first. Bottling up your thoughts and emotions may harm you more in the long run and make it harder to let go, specifically if you keep thinking about the past and what injured you. Pondering over the same negative thoughts will affect your mood and relationships and maybe even your capability to be productive and creative.
Try to find ways to convey how you feel in a healthy manner. Releasing the emotional storm can help you to stop ruminating continuously. Consider engaging in activities that offer a secure space to let it all out. You may try to write down your emotions or talk to a trusted friend or family member you can open up to.
3. Take Responsibility
Taking responsibility does not mean you have to blame yourself for those things that happened to you in the past. It is more about understanding how much energy you spend on remembering or feeling things that are no longer valid in your present. It is also choosing to pay attention somewhere else.
When you stick to your pain, bitterness, or hurtful memories, you are going through that painful experience again and again. This may keep you trapped in the past, which is something you cannot change.
Taking responsibility is also about claiming your authority and deciding that others will no longer control how you feel or live your life. Maybe you did not have a say in what hurt you in the past, but you have a say now.
You can choose where to focus your energy today. It is natural and compelling to feel this is a difficult task. Maybe the pain is so deep that you cannot help but be fixated on it, or maybe you have to live with the consequences of the past. But healing is possible. This is one of the most powerful steps toward letting go of the past.
4. Make Space for New
Getting stuck on past events may leave no room in your heart and mind for new experiences, including those you may enjoy. Not letting go of the past can make you miss the good things in your life. You may try these steps to make space for the new and to let go of the past:
- Set personal and professional short-term and long-term goals.
- Practice gratitude so you can focus on the present good.
- Evaluate the quality of your present relationships and choose those that work for you.
- Try a new hobby or activity frequently.
- Declutter your space by giving away or discarding items that no longer serve you.
- Create new bonds or try to strengthen casual relationships that can be fruitful.
- Practice mindfulness to control your mind when it wanders to the past.
- Commit to at least one self-care activity every week.
- Try philanthropic activities that may improve your mood by helping others.
5. Focus On the Lessons You Had
Ask yourself what your painful experiences have taught you about relationships, yourself, and life. Your first reply to this question may be to think of the negative things you may have learned. It is natural and legitimate. But try to stop if this is your first reaction and try to focus on some positive lessons. For example:
- How strong and flexible you may be.
- Who stood beside you and proved you could rely on them.
- Things you now know you don’t want in your life.
- The skills you may have developed to face life challenges.
- The realization that everything is temporary — this too shall pass.
This is not an all-inclusive list and may not apply to your situation. One of the best ways to let go of the past is to recognize the strength, wisdom, or clarity you’ve gained from your pain. Concentrating on these lessons may make it easier to let go.
6. Accepting Things You Cannot Change
One reason you may dwell on past events could be a wish to return to past choices or what could have been—dwelling on ‘what ifs’ can trap you in endless mental loops. But getting stuck on what happened is not going to change it.
It can be hard to accept, but identifying things you have no control over may help you to let go of the past. The “should haves” or “what ifs” will never change what happened. The “what could” and “what will” can help you to move forward and be deliberate in daily decisions that will affect your present and future.
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7. Prioritizing Yourself Can Help
Prioritizing yourself is about being deliberate with your decisions. This can start with realizing that choosing what’s best for you doesn’t mean you’re being self-centered. Putting yourself first may also mean regaining your power by leaving the past, leaving things that hurt you, and focusing on the healing process. It is about identifying that you matter.
8. Acknowledge The Negativity
It can be exhausting to replay past mistakes over and over in your mind. It’s frustrating to stay attached to things from the past. This is frustrating when you cannot move on despite your best efforts. Not only does that spoil your future, but it also robs the joy from the present moment.
Instead of trying to let go, accept where you are. Admit it. Admit all worry, shame, and guilt. Acknowledge all the negative thoughts and feelings so that you can free yourself from their grip and give up the losing battle.
Conclusion
Letting go means remembering certain events or people without reliving the pain. You may think letting go means forgetting entirely. It may also mean choosing to move forward even if you haven’t fully forgotten or forgiven. Whatever it means to you, it’s possible to release that burden from your heart and mind. You can heal, and these tips for letting go of the past can help.
