There is nothing fundamentally wrong with being polite or friendly to others. However, it may also be something we do to avoid disappointing others or to put pressure on ourselves to live up to an ideal image. It is a terrific method to avoid conflict, but it will leave you exhausted & dissatisfied in the long term. It’s difficult to be true to yourself when you’re constantly adjusting your behavior & words based on what you believe other people want. There are some Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser.
It is all too easy to devote the bulk of your efforts to satisfying others rather than achieving enjoyment for yourself. As a result, this type of behavior ultimately leads to low self-esteem, the sense that too many demands are placed on you, & the development of inadequate coping abilities.
Tips For Stop Being a People Pleaser
1. Establish Boundaries
It is critical to understand your limits, create clear boundaries, and then express those limits. Be upfront & detailed about what you’re willing to take on. If someone appears to be asking for too much, let them know that it is beyond the scope of what you are willing to accomplish & that you will be unable to assist.
There are many other methods to set boundaries in your life to assist you in reigning in your people-pleasing instincts. For example, you may only take phone calls at particular times of the day to limit your ability to chat.
You might also say that you are only accessible for a limited time. This may be beneficial since it assures that you have control over what you are willing to do and when you are willing to do it.
2. Learn To Say ‘No’
Learning to say ‘no’ is one of the effective Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser. Yes, this is a difficult question. People-pleasing may become such a deeply established habit that you have to remind yourself that it is good to say “No” at times.
It’s alright to put yourself first and say “no” if someone asks you to do something you don’t want to or asks you to do something absurd or unattainable.
You should also quit saying “yes” when you are not receiving anything out of the activity at hand & are only doing it because the other person has asked for your assistance.
The most crucial aspect of this is reminding yourself that saying “No” when you mean it is not selfish; it is taking care of yourself.
3. Start Small
It may be difficult to make a dramatic shift. Therefore, starting by expressing yourself in tiny ways is generally easier. Changing behavioral habits can be tough. In many circumstances, you must retrain yourself and educate those around you on your limitations.
As a result, it might be beneficial to begin with tiny measures that help you work your way towards knowing How to Stop Being a People Pleaser.
Begin with saying no to minor requests, expressing your opinion on something little, or requesting something you require. Say no to an SMS request, for example. Then progress to telling folks “No” in person.
Practice in various contexts or scenarios, such as while chatting with sales associates, ordering at a restaurant, or interacting with coworkers.
4. Be True To Yourself
The most essential thing to remember about your behavior is to be loyal to yourself. Avoid doing anything only to make yourself appear good in the eyes of others, & instead stick to what you know is best for you.
If you’ve been put in the position & asked to do something you don’t want to do, don’t be scared to say no. It demonstrates that you are self-sufficient enough to make your judgments.
You can quit being a people-pleaser without compromising who you are. Instead, be honest to yourself, & others will appreciate you.
5. Don’t Make Excuses
When you quit creating excuses, you’ll have more time & energy to do what you want. You’ll feel more in charge of your life & less like a victim of other people’s expectations.
If you give an excuse every time someone asks you to do anything for them, such as “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t do it, because…”, it can lead to a lack of work-life balance & leave little time for personal hobbies. (In other words, you’ll burn out.)
It also means that others will begin to take advantage of your good nature – and nothing is more aggravating than being exploited & taken advantage of! When someone asks you for a favor or to do anything that requires your time or energy, simply decline their offer without making an excuse.
If they inquire why, tell them that you are focusing on your own work & would prefer to focus on that right now or something similar. It’s okay if they don’t understand first; chances are they’ll comprehend why it’s vital for you.
6. Evaluate the Request
One of the Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser is to seek evidence that others are attempting to take advantage of your kindness.
Are there folks who constantly appear to want something from you but are suddenly unavailable when you need them to return the favor? Or do some folks seem to be aware of your giving disposition & ask because they know you won’t say “No?”
If you feel influenced into doing something, take some time to examine the issue & determine how you want to handle the request. Be tough & straightforward with repeat offenders or persons who demand your assistance.
7. Listen To Your Inner Voice
Life is a journey, & along the way, you will encounter many individuals who want something from you. You may find yourself being someone else’s doormat to gain their approval. The issue with this is that it will prevent you from being happy and making your own decisions.
If you want to know How to Stop Being a People Pleaser, start listening to your inner voice. This voice may advise you that certain people are poisonous & aren’t worth your time.
You might also employ meditation to enhance your inner voice so that the loud voices of others around you do not drown it out. Meditation can help you get insight into what your genuine aspirations are & how to reach them more readily on your own.
8. Remember That You Can’t Please Everyone
It’s a hard pill to take, but you must accept that you can’t please everyone. The basic reality is that you can’t please everyone all of the time since everyone’s requirements differ.
Acting in a particular way to please one person may irritate or offend another. Instead, strive to be yourself, & those who like you for who you are will thank you.
Signs That Show You Are a People Pleaser
People-pleasers share a lot of features. People-pleasing behaviors include:
- You have trouble saying “No.”
- You’re worried about what other people will think.
- You feel bad when you say “No.”
- You’re afraid that saying no would make others believe you’re cruel or selfish.
- You agree to or do something you don’t want to do.
- You have low self-esteem.
- You want people to like you and trust you enough to do things for them.
- You’re always apologizing to people.
- Even when something isn’t your fault, you accept responsibility.
- You never have spare time since you are always doing things for other people.
- You overlook your own needs in order to help others.
- You pretend to agree with others even when you don’t.
People-pleasers are skilled at detecting how others are feeling. They are also typically sympathetic, attentive, & compassionate.
These favorable characteristics may be accompanied by a negative self-image, a desire to exert control, or an overachievement. If you find these signs within yourself, maybe it is time to follow Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser.
Q: Is being agreeable is being a people pleaser?
A: Being agreeable is a most sought-after trait, but agreeing to anything & everything shows you are a people pleaser.
Q: Would people stop liking me if I stopped being a people pleaser?
A: Only those will stop liking you who use you & take advantage of you. People who like you for being what you are will not stop liking you.
Q: I have seen people pleasers getting promoted in my company. Should I be one, too?
A: Some bosses and managers like ‘Yes Man’ & people pleasers to fulfill their egos. That is not a healthy sign or practice.