Your mental health requires a reasonable level of external affirmation, but how much is too much? The capacity to value and recognize your good traits, accomplishments, feelings, and talents is known as internal validation. Recognizing your feelings and strengths by others is known as external validation. We often look to friends and family for encouragement and support. However, continuously seeking external validation can be harmful. There are many ways to stop seeking external validation.
We can’t wait to tell our loved ones when we finally get that dream job, go on that ideal date, or receive the promotion we’ve been awaiting. We want them to support our celebrations and acknowledge our victories. The majority of us desire validation.
Like any activity, however, there is a range of validation-seeking, ranging from the less damaging practice of impressing someone or sometimes making concessions to others to maintain harmony to the more detrimental practice of disregarding our rights and putting up with abuse to prevent desertion.
Tips For Stop Seeking External Validation
1. Think Back On Your Early Years
Think about making a list of all the instances of invalidation you may have encountered as a kid and as an adult as one of the ways to stop seeking external validation. Do you think that as a youngster I was denied appropriate attention and appreciation, or did I feel invisible? In what ways, if any? Next, think about how you might offer yourself the constructive criticism and attention you were never given.
For instance, do you take care of yourself in a more caring manner as an adult if you were often neglected as a child? This might include reminding yourself daily that you believe in yourself and that you are proud of who you are. Consult a mental health professional if you need further assistance. They may provide you with support and guidance as you reflect on your early experiences.
2. Practice Self-Care
Try substituting self-soothing techniques that are effective for you, such as yoga and mindfulness meditation, with your excessively validation-seeking thoughts and actions.
According to research, eight weeks of mindfulness meditation might alter the brain’s structure by boosting gray matter in regions linked to emotional control, empathy, and decision-making. Your ability to establish limits and make choices that are in line with your true desires may be enhanced by meditation practice.
Self-validation may also be achieved by using positive affirmations. Make an effort to modify the affirmations to fit your unique requirements. For instance, you may try saying “I am confident” or “I am enough” as affirmations to increase your self-confidence. You may substitute greater empowerment and awareness for negative self-talk by using positive affirmations.
3. Try Self-Acceptance
Although there is always space for personal development, acknowledge your advantages and disadvantages and embrace who you are. Pay attention to how you feel rather than what other people may think to know how to stop seeking external validation.
Since no one is flawless, it’s OK to make errors or have room for development. Be gentle and compassionate to yourself. Get off social media if that’s what it takes. Once you have the self-assurance to stop craving those likes, you can always go back on it.
4. Confront Your Fears
Stepping outside of your comfort zone sometimes might lead to something novel and thrilling, as well as feelings of pride. Face unpleasant circumstances head-on and put yourself in danger. Begin by taking little chances, whether at work or in your relationship. Have courage and be willing to make errors. By taking chances, you will become more conscious of your advantages and disadvantages.
5. Celebrate Your Achievements
Acknowledge and appreciate your successes, no matter how little they may appear to you. Treat yourself to a cup of coffee from your favorite coffee shop if your supervisor approves of your proposal during a meeting. This is one of the ways to stop seeking external validation.
Acknowledge your personal development and reward yourself for your hard work. Keep in mind that developing self-confidence is a continuous process, and rewarding yourself may help make it more enjoyable.
6. Be Mindful Of The Way You Talk To Yourself
It’s quite normal in our culture to believe that the words we use have little importance, particularly in light of the abundance of words on social media these days. However, the words we pick may tell a lot about how we see the world, ourselves, and other people. By altering the way we speak to ourselves and switching to more consistently using internal validation, we may utilize language to avoid always looking for external validation.
Pay attention to how you speak about and to yourself. Pay attention to how you describe other people. Are you often praising other people and condemning yourself? Do you have empathy for other people yet a lot of judgment for yourself? If that is the case, it’s OK. It has significance, which you can discover in therapy if you’re interested, but even if you know where it came from, you can still become more conscious of the way you speak to yourself.
The next stage is to decide to react to oneself with respect and kindness. Therefore, you no longer exclaim, “I’m such a dummy,” when you lose your keys. Instead, remark, “Wow, this was stressful again,” and ask yourself, “Why can’t I get my life together?”
7. Don’t Compare
Reducing comparisons and ceasing to look for outside approval is quite difficult if you use social media. The majority of individuals share carefully chosen photos of their greatest adventures and lives online so that we may continuously evaluate ourselves against them.
After a Facebook buddy shared a post about a fun event they were having, you may let yourself get caught up in the moment and forget that you had been in sunny Los Angeles the previous weekend. You must choose what is most effective for you when it comes to cutting down on comparisons.
It’s fantastic if you can remember not to compare while browsing social media. You could discover that avoiding social media just makes you feel better. In addition, when you encounter someone in person, you could uncomfortably ponder whether you bring up the things they publish on social media.
Does it give the impression that you are too preoccupied with your life, but why publish it if you don’t want others to know? In any case, develop a routine that will help you avoid always looking to others for approval by minimizing comparisons and maintaining your sense of pleasure and thankfulness for the things in your life.
8. Detach From Nay-Sayers
When you find yourself looking to others for approval, consider if they are a “safe” person who would support you emotionally or whether they may take advantage of you when you’re feeling vulnerable. Think about if they have previously crossed your personal limits. If they have, you may chat with a therapist, take some time for yourself, or try a buddy who is more encouraging.
Instead of looking to other people for approval, think about taking your time, assessing your needs, and figuring out how to validate yourself. As a solution to how to stop seeking external validation, avoiding seeking approval from others who could make you feel more distressed is an important part of harm reduction.
9. Take A Break From Social Media
When we share anything on social media, the “like” button immediately offers us a pat on the back for our efforts. It’s normal to feel that we aren’t good enough or that what we have shared isn’t good enough if it hasn’t been loved.
However, everyone is aware of how simple it is to like or dislike anything that someone else has written. When we’re bored or exhausted, we usually sit and scroll. We are not insufficient just because we don’t get a “like” on whatever we post. It is beneficial to our health to take a vacation from social media. Disconnecting allows us to connect with our loved ones, our environment, and ourselves on a deeper level.
Why Do Individuals Go To Other People For Approval?
If you were given too little or too much external validation as a youngster, you may look for too much of it as an adult. This might have an impact on your personality, attachment style, and emotional regulation. According to research, emotional awareness is developed by maternal emotional validation, particularly throughout infancy.
A youngster may struggle to control their emotions and find ways to stop seeking external validation if they don’t feel appreciated or get encouragement or praise as they grow up. Additionally, this might exacerbate other symptoms like:
- Inability to trust other people.
- Elevated anxiety levels.
- Dread of being turned down.
- Erratic or perplexing actions.
Growing up in an emotionally invalidating environment might lead to mental health issues, including borderline personality disorders. On the other side, a feeling of entitlement and interpersonal issues may also result from childhood overvaluation and praise.
Excessive praise and overvaluation throughout infancy may lead to the development of narcissistic tendencies, including entitlement and the need for validation as an adult. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) states that an overwhelming desire for approval may potentially be a sign of other mental health issues. These may consist of:
- Disorder of the histrionic personality.
- Body dysmorphic disorder.
- Dependent personality disorder.
Consider contacting a mental health expert for further assessment if you believe you may be dealing with one of these illnesses.
FAQ
Q: Why you shouldn’t look for outside approval?
A: Constantly seeking approval may also be emotionally and physically taxing. Seeking acceptance from those around you might eventually lead to fatigue and burnout. This occurs as a result of the time and effort you put into trying to win others over and win their favor.
Q: Why are individuals looking for outside approval so often these days?
A: One factor that unites people who are always looking for outside approval is that they were not given enough approval from their parents as kids. It’s possible that their parents rejected them when they needed support or encouragement. Alternatively, their parents may have overtly humiliated them.
Q: Is looking for approval a sign of weakness?
A: A complicated part of our nature that is greatly impacted by our experiences and surroundings is the never-ending need for approval. Although seeking approval is not always bad, it becomes an issue when it takes over our life and our sense of value.
