8 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Change Yourself For Others

Dr. Ankit Sharma, PhD

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Why You Shouldn't Change Yourself

You must have seen a meme where a girl says a boy should tidy up. The boy gets clean-shaven and trims his hair. The girl says, ‘You should wear better clothes’. The boy comes wearing a formal shirt & trousers instead of his favorite jeans & tees. The girl says you should change your taste in music. Boy does that, too. Then the girl leaves him, saying, ‘You have changed!’ This meme shows us Why You Shouldn’t Change Yourself.

It is vital that we remain loyal to ourselves in a demanding society. Many individuals come and go, but they surely make an impression on us. We may encounter people who scare us and those who are challenging to satisfy.

Why is it Vital Not To Change Ourselves

1. It’s Difficult To Please Everyone

True to its meaning, as an old joke says. ‘Pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.’ Perfection is unattainable. Avoid being caught in the trap of feeling that you must live up to someone’s expectations.

Don’t go starving yourself of your pleasure because, in the end, you’ll simply be exhausting yourself by trying to make someone else happy. You won’t accomplish anything by using energy that may be used better.

2. It’s Exhausting

One answer to Why You Shouldn’t Change Yourself is that this is very exhausting. Trying to read someone else to discover what they enjoy and don’t like requires heaps of work. Most of your attention focuses on them, and there’s very little energy left for yourself at the end of the day.

Another thing that makes it hard is the continual internal conflict you may have in certain instances. Nobody enjoys disagreement. Therefore, people would avoid it by all means.

That meant not speaking out if they disagreed or simply letting it go when they felt slighted. Constantly dismissing anything that goes against their ideas is both cognitively and emotionally demanding.

3. You Are Being Unfair to Yourself and Others

You are unique. To be YOU, you were made. It is unjust to yourself when you suppress your natural tendencies. However, you are also mistreating others in the process.

You may be able to keep up for a while. You will study a particular subject, keep your mouth shut when your opinions conflict with those of others around you, and develop little habits to support the character you are portraying.

But acting on someone else’s part is psychologically and emotionally taxing. You need to be careful with both your words and your actions at all times. You have to be on guard all the time to avoid unintentionally revealing your actual, unadulterated nature.

It eventually becomes draining. You just want to stop hiding behind your mask and show who you really are. It provides relief for you. Others, though, find it shocking. They accepted your phony identity as your truth for a very long time.

4. You Will Lose Track of Yourself

You risk losing sight of who you are if you strive to please others. Remember that you are the only one who will genuinely need your love, so stop attempting to make others love you. That’s Why You Should Never Change Yourself.

5. You Lose People Who Accept You As You Are

We often lose sight of the individuals who are prepared to embrace us because the urge to belong to a particular group of people may be so hypnotizing. When we alter ourselves, we do not just change our personality, interests, or outward appearance; we also limit our vibrations.

Everything vibrates with a particular frequency, which we gradually acquire as we interact with it more. People who would usually be drawn to our natural energy tend to wander away as a consequence.

We lose the opportunity to build solid, enduring connections because they can no longer speak to us emotionally.

6. You Won’t Be Able To Set Boundaries

One of the reasons Why You Shouldn’t Change Yourself is it won’t let you set healthy boundaries.

Sometimes, we do everything to win someone’s favor when we want their approval. We overstretch our accommodativeness. We lose the ability to refuse. It makes decisions that cause us inner sorrow. We struggle against ourselves to defend our actions.

We remove all barriers, which allows others an opportunity to exploit us. Oh, she’ll comply with my requests. She is powerless to reject me.

This has the drawback of making us lose sight of our moral and personal ideals. We need to understand what is proper. Additionally, we cease taking care of ourselves and instead put others first. As a result, our feelings of self-worth and self-esteem plummet, which may seriously impair our mental health.

7. You Will Lose Touch with Your True Self

Have you ever seen how people’s actions vary based on the person they are engaging with? It’s very feasible that each of these identities is real.

Depending on the situation, you may need to adjust your behavior, including your speech pattern, gestures, and clothing choice. Your whole self is made up of these several personas.

However, there are occasions when we invent new personas in an effort to win over others. We eventually lose sight of our core identity, including our likes, beliefs, objectives, motivations, and intents.

8. You Are The Only Person Who Can Change Your Life

You are the one constant in any circumstance you have ever encountered, whether favorable or unfavorable.

No matter what has occurred in your life so far, it is your obligation and yours alone to understand that you have the power to alter your circumstances or the way you see them. Don’t allow other people’s viewpoints to get in the form of this universal truth.

What you can do is independent of what others believe is achievable. What you can do essentially depends on how you spend your time and energy.

Therefore, let go of concern about what others may think. Just go on as you are. Only those who want you to live a lie would criticize you for doing this. If you get this, you will realize Why You Should Never Change Yourself.

Reasons You Should Never Try To Change Someone

It’s essential to understand Why You Shouldn’t Change Yourself. Likewise, there are reasons why you shouldn’t attempt to change someone, even with the greatest of intentions.

Trying to alter someone is a dangerous game, and it shouldn’t be played. You risk harming yourself and, more significantly, the person you’re attempting to improve.

It’s crucial to avoid interfering in someone else’s life unless they endanger themselves. Still, change is sometimes required if it damages the other person’s safety or health, for example:

You Will Push Them Away: You will alienate them if you attempt to change someone, which is one of the reasons why you shouldn’t. Perhaps your goal is to alter the other person so you can get along better or disagree less. However, you will drive the other person farther away rather than bring you closer together.

It May Ruin Their Happiness: At the end of the day, happiness is all that everybody desires. To ruin someone’s celebration is the worst thing you can do. Instead of pointing out their shortcomings, let them enjoy their little successes and be praised for their achievements.

It May Cause Resentment: People can always sense when they are being ignored or taken for granted. They could thus start to feel resentful. Since resentment combines both bitterness and rage, it is worse than anger.

It is Selfish: Your spouse, friend, or relative would likely consider it selfish if you wanted to alter someone for reasons unrelated to health and safety. Furthermore, the “problem” can really be with you and not the other person!

It is Fragile: People are weak, emotional, and thought-filled creatures. A person’s mental and emotional well-being may be severely harmed by tampering with their being. Because that is how they are happy, letting people be who they are is preferable.

Nobody is Perfect: Nobody is perfect, not even you. Keep in mind that every time you point, three other fingers are doing the same. Consider improving yourself rather than attempting to modify or repair someone else. When you can love yourself, you’ll discover that loving others comes more naturally.


Q: Many movies show central characters changing themselves to win their interest’s attention. Does it work?

A: Life is not like things shown in movies. If people can’t accept you as you are, they are unsuitable for you.

Q: Is changing myself totally unacceptable?

A: If you want to change, change for your own development. Don’t change because someone wants you to.

Q: My partner wants me to stop smoking. Does she want me to change?

A: Your partner cares for you. That’s why she is asking you to stop smoking. She is not trying to change you. She is caring for your health.

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