9 Ways To Maintain The Spark in a Relationship

Dr. Ankit Sharma, PhD

Ways To Maintain The Spark

You and your partner have been together for, well, we don’t know, forever. After living your romantic comedy comedic dream in the manner of ‘The Holiday’, you’ve experienced the first fight, followed by the second, third, fourth, and, ideally, the hundredth (preferably without being hurt), and now you find yourself after the film when the titles roll, the closing scene fades to black, and sadly, the romantic comedy comes to an end. There are some ways to maintain the spark.

These days, life is all about schedules, to-do lists, working late into the night, setting early alarms, doing dishes, and doing errands. When romantic comedy turns into, well, real life, how do you keep the romance alive? Life moves on, yet we often overlook the most vital aspect of it all: our partner.

We stop feeling butterflies in our stomachs, forget to make memorable moments, and think our relationship has reached a standstill. A relationship may also start to seem monotonous when it shifts from being passionate to caring. Even bitterness may seep in. Whether you are in a long-term or long-distance relationship, it is crucial to sustain your love and maintain the attraction for years.

How To Maintain The Spark In Relationship

Ways To Maintain The Spark

1. Request Something Fresh Each Week

Understanding what “the spark” means to you is one of the best ways to maintain the spark. Since we all speak various love languages, it’s possible that what makes you and your spouse feel loved and valued are not the same things. This implies that we also express and offer love in many ways. Trust your relationship enough to ask for what you want, rather than hoping your spouse shows you love in the manner you desire or being resentful when they don’t.

Make it more like a game by coming up with a very particular task that each of you must do at the start of each week. Perhaps you’d want them to arrange a surprise date, send flowers home one day, or say something kind about how you look. Perhaps they’ll want more time spent alone with you or more compliments on their efforts.

Even if it could only be meant to last a week, your spouse will learn from your actions how to make you feel loved as well as what makes you feel that way. If they see how pleased it makes you when they do it, doing anything once or twice—whether it’s organizing a date night or praising the ~ stunning ~ color of your eyes—will become habitual.

2. Communicate Emotions

Talking is more than simply striking up a conversation for a short while. And sometimes words alone—”I love you”—just aren’t enough. Attempt to delve further into each other’s lives. Share everything about your thoughts and feelings, including your future ambitions and previous secrets.

The key to a successful relationship is sticking by one another through good times and bad. Thus, talk about your problems in a productive way and resolve them together. Tell your lover the truth if anything is upsetting you about them. If you don’t discuss it with them, they won’t know. But it’s also critical to respect one another’s needs and emotions at the same time.

3. Keep Your Phone Down

Okay, so maybe this is a bit of a cliche. It’s not like you need more reminders from us—you’ve heard your mother tell you to put your phone aside at the dinner table since you were a preteen. If we are knowledgeable about mobile phone addiction, then we are aware of how simple it is for that cunning little phone to snag itself, whether you’re driving, watching Netflix, or, heaven forbid, having dinner together.

Even if a TikTok scroll can seem small, cherish the moments you spend with one another. When you’re enjoying a meal, a chat, or a classic binge-watching session, put your phones aside. When you’re with someone, be mindful of them. This is one of the ways to keep the relationship alive.

4. Maintain Eye Contact

Intimacy occurs in the tiniest things, not in the big shows of emotion or dramatic acts that are supposed to ignite romance. Establishing eye contact with your significant other has scientific support (see, I’m not that bad at science!). It causes neuronal synchronization and releases oxytocin. In non-chemistry-related words, making eye contact makes your brain feel more connected to the other person.

Make eye contact with your spouse throughout your conversation to let them know you’re paying attention and to strengthen your bond. Once again, put away that darn phone! Additionally, look for smaller opportunities to make eye contact.

For example, try locking eyes across a room in a crowded place or at a party (it’s a classic rom-com meet-cute!). Alternatively, stay in random situations longer than usual and maintain eye contact (but not for too long—a few seconds of eye contact and a cute little smirk are plenty).

5. Have Some ‘Me’ Time

It may sound counterproductive, but spending time apart is one of the ways to maintain the spark. Time apart may be beneficial, regardless of whether your relationship standard is to spend every waking second together like Mary Kate and Ashley (during the early 2000s, of course) or you’ve been living far away for years.

Spending some time apart from each other, even if it’s just for an hour at a hot yoga class or a weekend away on a ladies’ vacation, will offer your spouse the room to miss you and vice versa. Apart from breaking the monotony, doing your own thing will also provide you with something fresh to discuss and catch up on.

We don’t even need to talk about self-care; you will feel more confident if you sometimes take time for yourself and pursue your interests. And when a woman leads with confidence, we all know what occurs. Hi there, spark.

6. Laugh Together

As beneficial as laughter is, it’s also the best-kept secret for preserving the spark. You know how sometimes you joke that “someday we’ll laugh at this” after a fight or other incident? Why hold off till later? Nothing should be taken too seriously if you want to be together for the long run; instead, try to find humor in your arguments and awkward situations.

As much as you care about developing trust, watching something you know will make you both laugh and make you chuckle with jokes. Talk about amusing moments, email each other memes that reflect your common sense of humor, and flirt with one another in the way that middle schoolers do. Nothing should be taken too seriously in life, particularly when doing so extinguishes your passion. It is one of the best ways to maintain the spark.

7. Astonishment In Small Things

Little acts of kindness remind your spouse that you are thinking of them and maintain the spark between you. Kindness between happy spouses is evident. Offering assistance or volunteering is advantageous. In actuality, good deeds have great power, and unplanned deeds often promote general well-being.

Recognize the love language of your spouse. They cherish physical contact; therefore, they give you hugs, for instance. You appreciate the deeds of service and quality time spent with each other, so you’d be even more pleased if they tidied up the living room or spent more time away from their workstation. Learn how to express your love to your spouse in a manner that they would appreciate in a relationship.

8. Impress Each Other

If you’re in a long-term relationship, your spouse has probably seen your period-heavy days, post-Taco-Bell bloat, and maybe even the delivery of one or more children. It’s true that your spouse has probably seen you at your lowest point—love, after all, is the ability to see someone at their worst while still treating them with respect.

However, do you recall the times you used to get dressed up for them? Perhaps in the beginning, you would put on a whole cosmetic routine simply to watch a movie together, or you would wear your most beautiful clothing for a laid-back dinner date. Apply the same drive to make an impression on them and work hard to feel and look your best, whether that means wearing high heels for a dinner date or putting on body oil after a shower (which also serves as self-care!).

For this one, you both need to be in agreement. You will always feel undervalued if you put in the work and your spouse doesn’t care to notice or makes an attempt to win you over. They deserve a little extra effort every now and then, whatever that effort means to you, if they are the type of person who makes sure to tell you how beautiful you are even when you don’t wear heels or contour perfectly (who cares about that anyway, right?).

9. Don’t Start Blame Game

You start to feel frustrated when your emotional and physical demands are not satisfied. Often, harmful feelings like shame and blame damage the relationship rather than helping to identify the core cause of intimate problems.

It is more convenient to blame your spouse than to consider your role in the issue. Regaining your enthusiasm for one another is much more difficult when you begin placing blame on one another. Recall that intimacy is not a solitary sensation, but rather a shared one between couples. It is one of the great ways to maintain the spark.

What Causes The Spark To Fade?

The decrease in the frequency of loving behaviors is one factor for the fall in good experiences. According to research, the “honeymoon period” is characterized by intense concentration on one’s partner and undivided attention. In terms of metabolism, it is also costly. It can’t last, of course.

When other obligations (like jobs or studies) eventually intrude, it is another reason why the honeymoon phase ends. These obligations take away from the energy and time needed to sustain high levels of positive energy and frequent participation in delightful love encounters.

This is especially true when dealing with outside stressors that are severe or persistent, including significant job obligations or money concerns. The decline in the frequency and value of romantic activities is another reason for the lack of passion. To be more precise, a couple may discover that their formerly enjoyable behaviors are no longer the case even if they manage to continue all of the fulfilling activities they once enjoyed.

The husband’s jokes, for instance, no longer seem to be as hilarious. His wife’s “I love you” texts don’t seem quite as endearing or sweet. Alternatively, the couple’s carnal life becomes dull and formulaic.

Therefore, actions that were formerly seen to be enjoyable and fulfilling become less so for a variety of reasons, including habit, predictability (due to increased stability in family life and work, for example), or other causes. The good news is, there are ways to maintain the spark.


Q: To what extent does a relationship need the spark?

A: In the long run of a relationship, an instant spark may not signify anything. A spark may sometimes be “dangerous” or even cause concern right away. Some folks just have a lot of sparkle.

Q: Does every relationship have a spark?

A: Some people think that this emotion will ultimately wane and go away. It’s a myth. In a relationship, it’s common to lose the spark as things grow comfortable, but it can always be rekindled. You may also take action right now to keep the flame alive.

Q: How can I tell whether a spark is present?

A: This sensation is sometimes referred to as “the spark” or “chemistry between people”—a blush on the cheek, a skip in the pulse, or a glint in the eye that shows two people are connected.

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