They say, “Don’t explain yourself. People who understand you won’t need it; people who don’t understand you will never get it.” We all tend to defend ourselves. We frequently need to protect our decisions, justify our conduct, or introduce ourselves to others. This behavior may cause you to worry & anxiety, but it doesn’t have to. If you are in a similar situation, follow these Ways to Stop Over-Explaining Yourself.
A persistent drain on your mental energy is over-explaining, which is to say, justifying why you do what you do. Deep discussions in which delving into the causes of things is warranted are excluded from that. However, occasionally, the other party doesn’t even start communication.
Over-Explaining Yourself Can Be Stopped
1. Take Responsibility For Your Actions, Choices Or Decisions
Some people who constantly explain themselves may just be insecure. To make themselves feel like they made the proper decision, they feel the need to rationalize & defend their decisions in order for the other person to concur.
Regarding good & bad decisions, there is a little-known secret. You’ll undoubtedly choose poorly. You are a human.
That is a natural aspect of existence. Making no decisions at all, letting your silence rule your life, or allowing someone else to make those decisions for you are all worse. Are you able to accept responsibility for your actions & decisions?
It’s a lot simpler to quit worrying about them once you realize that you always have control over your decisions & the consequences of those decisions. Instead, you should put off dealing with the difficulties that option may cause until later.
2. Be Comfortable with Silence
Have you heard of the expression “a pregnant pause”? A conversationalist uses this deliberate pause to encourage the other person to continue speaking. Salespeople, cops, & other people who need the other person to communicate frequently use this strategy.
This method involves the individual asking you a question, you responding, & then them remaining silent. They might merely glance at you while remaining mute. In an effort to get you to provide more information or resume speaking, they are deliberately making you feel uneasy & worried.
Welcoming the discomfort of silence is one of the Ways to Stop Over-Explaining Yourself. Look back at them & give them a wide smile if you respond to their question, but all they are doing is staring at you. Wait for them to pick up the conversation or ask questions again.
3. Discover The Root & Triggers of That Tendency
Examine the core causes of your propensity for over-explaining next. For instance, consider asking yourself, “What do I fear if I don’t over-explain/What am I protecting myself from?” & “Do I over-explain to ease an uncomfortable feeling/if so, what is it?”
You can organize your thoughts & find potential triggers that lead you to over-explain by asking yourself these thoughtful questions. For instance, you might explain too much when you need to set limits or when you are socially concerned. You can take action by identifying the causes & triggers.
4. Keep Practicing
Continuous practice is an answer to How to Stop Over-Explaining Yourself. After reflecting, question your assumptions about over-explaining in real life.
For instance, get practice saying “No” before a friend or work colleague asks you to do something you don’t want to. Accept the pain of disappointing others when you say no.
This could be challenging, especially if you need help learning how to stop trying to satisfy everyone. The one person you must learn to prioritize is yourself because you can’t please everyone.
In addition, let any uncomfortable emotions surface so you can deal with them. Label your emotions rather than dismissing them if you’re upset, angry, or afraid. Also, remember that this voice is only your fear of speaking, & it will eventually stop having any influence.
5. Be Honest
Sometimes, confidence has nothing to do with it. Because they aren’t acting in an honest & straightforward manner, some people feel compelled to defend their choices to others.
Instead, they are working behind the scenes on several projects. Their reasoning is more about trying to justify their poor decisions than over-explaining.
If your goal is to act honestly, you don’t need to provide any justifications. Your acts & stories are not inconsistent and require an explanation. People only get to know you as a person, not just the image you’re attempting to project, so they can understand who you are and the reasons behind your decisions.
Sometimes, all it takes to explain yourself is to say “No. I’m not going to. Honesty is not only the best policy, but it is also one of the Ways to Stop Over-Explaining Yourself.
6. Discard The Need of Approval or Be Accepted
Inevitably, you won’t always choose wisely. You won’t always come to judgments that are seen favorably by others. The individuals you love & who love you may occasionally be among those others.
In actuality, you will sooner or later disappoint or harm the individuals you care about. Everyone does it. Humans are untidy beings that don’t always get along with one another.
There will be moments when you must do what is best for yourself, even if compromise is necessary to maintain healthy relationships. There will be something, whether it be something significant to you or a moral conundrum, that goes against who you are.
In such a situation, you will probably talk about what happened, but there will eventually be a line you don’t want to cross.
They’ll say they’re dissatisfied or furious after you explain yourself, & you’ll have to leave them be instead of dodging the problem tactfully. Because of this, they have a chance to grow up & for their connection to grow stronger.
Even if you are upset or unhappy with their decision, you may still love that person. That’s one of the gaps where experienced love shows.
7. Recognize You Will Be Misunderstood
Recognizing & accepting that there are chances that people might misunderstand you is an answer to How to Stop Over-Explaining Yourself.
Understanding that you are a human being & that everyone is unique is crucial. As a result, many people will have a different idea about what you are doing and why.
They will misinterpret you no matter how patiently you wait or how well you explain things. It can’t be stopped. And when you come to terms with this, the urge to comply & over-explain will gradually go away.
Learn how to safeguard your energy & emotional health if you’re still struggling with the agony of being misunderstood.
8. Question The Necessity
It’s an easy question, but it’s also really instructive. Consider the circumstances, the topic at hand, & whether or not an explanation or defense is necessary. Do you need to have this talk, or why? Or is it simply a desire brought on by insecurity?
Your insecurity won’t get better or make you feel more uncomfortable if you feed it. But let’s say you need to talk because you want the other person to understand your perspective better.
It would be beneficial to clarify your thinking in that situation. To ensure equitable communication, just make sure the other party is following suit.
Reasons Behind Over-Explaining
Over-explaining is the activity of imparting information excessively & is regarded as a maladaptive stress reaction. As a result, we grow up developing people-pleasing traits as a coping method to steer clear of confrontation & find safety. But why do we do it? Here are a few justifications:
Trauma: If we were taught that everything was our fault throughout childhood, we could use over-explaining as a protective barrier to demonstrate our innocence or lessen the hurt of disappointing others.
Gas lighting: To avoid the other person twisting our words & manipulating us, over-explaining is a coping mechanism in toxic relationships.
Acceptance & approval: To win favor for our beliefs, actions, & identity, we could try to defend ourselves.
Fear of criticism: We may use it to make up for lack of acceptability in order to shield ourselves from criticism & condemnation.
Dread of conflict: To prevent disagreement & maintain peace, we might over-explain.
These causes are comparable in a lot of ways, but the good news is there are various Ways to Stop Over-Explaining Yourself.
Q: My partner doesn’t get the point, no matter how much I explain. What to do?
A: It may not be your explanation. The problem might be more deep-rooted. Talk it out.
Q: Can over-explaining create a communication gap?
A: People might start over-explaining to avoid communication gaps. But that isn’t helpful either.
Q: Can low confidence create a tendency of over-explaining?
A: Lack of confidence is one of the significant reasons for over-explaining.