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8 Ways to Stop Being Insecure and Build Self-Esteem

Ways to Stop Being Insecure

Having low days is normal when you feel you can’t do anything right. But feeling insecure about yourself constantly can wreak havoc on every aspect of your life, from your physical health & mental well-being to your performance at your job. Feeling insecure can be particularly harmful when it is about your romantic relationships, making you more prone to anxiety & envy. Research states that insecurities affect both you & your partner’s relationship satisfaction. Hence, finding some Ways to Stop Being Insecure is a wise move in those days.

Ways to Stop Being Insecure

1. Find the Causes of Your Insecurities

Insecurity and self-doubt start to appear in our lives from an early stage. They can appear in our childhood as a lack of confidence in our actions or doubts about our achievements. To remove them, you should figure out their roots first.

Unstable relationships with your parents: The bond between a person & their parents greatly affects their feeling of personal security. It starts to form in early childhood & acts as the base for constructing consequent relationships in that person’s life. A person can develop insecurity due to trauma or neglect from their relationship with their parents.

Social Anxiety: Like most emotional issues like this, social anxiety often starts in childhood (though it can also arise later in life). It can happen due to omission from friend groups, parental pressure, bullying, prejudices, or other upsetting events.

Recent Failures: Everyone faces challenging periods, infrequently unable to accomplish something vital. These failures are bitter, but they hit some people harder than others. Individuals with lower self-esteem are usually more sensitive to challenges & failures, which will only reinforce their insecurities.

Perfectionism: A tendency to do everything perfectly can often lead to stress. That stress can cause insecurity as the person is constantly under pressure to maintain perfect performance. The very thought of losing their ‘touch’ can trigger insecurity.

2. Recognize Your Negative Thoughts

One of the first steps to Ways to Stop Being Insecure is recognizing your negative thoughts. The vital step to managing your negative thought patterns is to become conscious of them. It is much easier said than done. This is why you have to be aware of your thoughts & ideas. Inability to identify those could become harmful.

Pay attention to how you respond to your thoughts & take note of them. Also, take note of the triggers which are creating those insecurities in the first place.

3. Question The Validity Of Those Insecurities

Often insecurities arise from baseless thoughts & ideas. Challenge those thoughts if there is any validity to them. In most cases, they appear to be baseless. Maybe your partner is talking over the phone with a colleague of the opposite gender. No point in thinking that they are having an affair. Maybe they are talking about some office business or an upcoming presentation.

Questioning the validity of those insecurities can bring a lot of clarity & peace of mind. They will disappear in the light of rational questions & attitudes.

4. Try A Different Perspective

The objective of these exercises is to find out an alternative to your detrimental thinking patterns. Once you have identified your negative thoughts & identified the actual facts of the situation, intentionally redirect your mind. Rather than focusing on everything that could go wrong, try to imagine a constructive & optimistic description.

5. Try  Self-Compassion

When you are feeling insecure, you may start negative self-talk, which can affect your mental health. If you be kind to yourself & let your inner strength come out slowly, it will be beneficial.

Overcoming insecurity is a delicate experience, so take things slow & congratulate yourself for your efforts. Challenge your negative self-talk by stating the facts & whether what you’re telling yourself is true. Self-compassion is an excellent answer to the question, How to Overcome Insecurity?

6. Get Rid Of Toxic People

Have you ever noticed how your community has a huge impact on you? Ever felt highly insecure around some people? This can happen when you are in a toxic group or associate with manipulative people. Surrounded by individuals who always mention & highlight your imperfections & weaknesses, you slowly lose your self-esteem.

Get rid of those toxic elements – they must not be part of your life. To identify such individuals among your people, try the following:

7. Be With People Who Love You

There’s nothing like the company of loving, supportive people to develop your confidence & combat your insecurities.

Go out on more dinner dates & plan get-togethers with your nearest & dearest ones. Viewing yourself through the eyes of people who care about you will help you to appreciate your unique qualities & individuality.

8. Seek Support From A Therapist

While taking steps like getting rid of toxic people & having self-compassion can be helpful, sometimes you need a deeper perspective & support from some outside source.

A therapist can offer you insights into your challenges & help you to get rid of feelings of inadequacy & figure out their source. Finding the root of the main problem is often the most effective way to combat feeling insecure.

Is There Any Self-Help Book to Overcome Insecurities?

Self-help books are one of the excellent Ways to Stop Being Insecure. There are plenty of such books out there. We would recommend the followings:

Everything Isn’t Terrible (2019) by Kathleen Smith.

Sabotage: How Insecurity Destroys Everything (2013) by Trinity Jordan.

Fearless Social Confidence (2018) by Patrick King.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (1997) by Richard Carlson.

Confidence (2014) by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic.

Get Out of Your Head (2020) by Jennie Allen.


Q: Why do I always feel insecure?

A: There might be plenty of reasons behind that. Finding the cause of that is one of the best Ways to Stop Being Insecure.

Q: Is the feeling of insecurity abnormal?

A: An amount of such feelings is normal. But continuous & excessive feelings of insecurity can be harmful.

Q: How to combat the feeling of insecurity in the workplace?

A: As stated earlier, try to find the reasons behind that feeling. Then try to find out if you can combat those by your capability, experience & achievements.

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