8 Steps To Deconstruct Your Anger

Dr. Ankit Sharma, PhD

Updated on:

Steps to Deconstruct Your Anger

Yes, all of us have been there. We almost become the guy Tony Stark described as ‘A man with breath-taking anger management issues.’ We didn’t turn green or triple in size, but like Hulk, we smashed something when we were angry or at least wanted to smash something. Though Hulk was a big help to the Avengers, he didn’t bring any constructive value to the team until Dr. Banner made peace with Hulk and became Professor Hulk. If you often feel like a savage Hulk, you should follow the Steps to Deconstruct Your Anger.

At first, it may seem hard to learn how to regulate your anger, particularly if you believe that rage is intrinsically bad, helpless, or out of control. Anger may take many forms, from little irritations to full-blown outbursts of wrath. Whatever your obstacles are, managing your anger begins with stepping back, de-stressing, and figuring out what’s really wrong.

Some Tips To Deconstruct Your Anger

1. Count To Ten Before Answering

Counting to ten before reacting is a simple but one of the powerful Steps to Deconstruct Your Anger. Anger causes our emotions to spike, which may result in rash and sometimes dangerous behavior.

When we take a few steps back to breathe, we allow ourselves time to think and reflect before responding, which helps us avoid saying or doing anything we may later regret.

Although we are powerless over our natural emotions towards most things, we influence how we react to them. Take a break while learning how to control your anger so that your body and mind have time to digest your feelings.

2. Understand Your Emotions

Anger is a complicated emotion that often conceals other emotions. It might be challenging to confront emotions like pain, fear, grief, and frustration. Many people, including myself, found it simpler to get enraged than to confront or process the depth of these emotions.

I also felt weak and vulnerable as a result of these emotions, which I didn’t want to recognize, feel, or acknowledge. Furthermore, I had no desire to reveal them to anyone else. But in order to comprehend anger and discover strategies for reducing and managing it, it is essential to look at these underlying feelings.

3. Identify Your Cues

One of the solutions to How to Deconstruct Your Anger is identifying the reasons for rage. Feelings of powerlessness, frustration, or danger are common causes of anger. It could also be a reaction to unresolved emotional problems or trauma from the past.

Finding the root reasons for our rage can help us start addressing these problems and improve how we control our emotions. To acquire more techniques for managing anger and getting over underlying emotional problems, seeing a therapist might be helpful.

4. Remove Yourself From The Scene

We all know we do or say unfortunate things while we are angry. Therefore, removing yourself from the scene is one of the Steps to Deconstruct Your Anger. Just like Dr. Banner tried to avoid stressful circumstances, you can’t always avoid it, but remove yourself as soon as you feel you are about to burst.

Removing yourself will prevent you from doing or saying unfortunate things you may regret later. Go for a walk in the park, in neighborhood lanes, or go to a café and have a cup of your favorite latte with some cookies. It will help to douse the flame and regain your calm and composure.

5. Play Some Music

When you’re upset, you may learn to manage your temper by turning on some music and letting go of your feelings. Our emotions may be strongly and favorably impacted by dancing to our favorite music since it relieves stress, anxiety, pent-up energy, and irritation.

Exercise causes the brain’s natural mood-enhancing chemical, endorphin, to be produced at a higher rate. Exercise may also aid in lowering cortisol levels, which are linked to stress and anxiety.

We may access our emotions and let go of bottled-up sentiments healthily and constructively by exercising our bodies. Music is an answer to How to Deconstruct Your Anger.

6. Take a Deep Breath

Using breathing techniques will help you control your furious outbursts. Our body may go into fight-or-flight mode when furious, causing symptoms like tense muscles, a faster heartbeat, and an elevated heart rate.

Breathing exercises trigger the relaxation response, which helps to lessen these bodily sensations and encourage serenity and relaxation. You may learn to handle difficult circumstances calmly and effectively by practicing often.

Many kinds of breathing techniques work well for managing anger. Taking slow, deep breaths from the diaphragm is one technique known as “deep breathing.”

Another option is box breathing, which emphasizes inhaling, holding the breath, and letting it out every four counts. These techniques may be used daily, as a prophylactic precaution, or under pressure.

7. Write it Out

Maintaining a journal for your mental well-being offers a private, secure environment for expressing yourself and your rage.

Try writing expressively if you don’t want to maintain a physical notebook. After writing for fifteen to thirty minutes, immediately trash the entry. By doing this, you’ll be able to manage and resolve your anger problems in a positive & healthy manner.

Another kind of journaling called “morning pages” is writing three pages every morning in a stream of consciousness. Simply let your pen glide over the paper. Thinking about and expressing these ideas is the first step toward managing anger. Try creating your journaling style if you find either kind is not quite right for you.

8. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is paying deliberate, nonjudgmental attention to the current moment to develop self-awareness and insight. Anger progresses more slowly when you practice mindfulness, which increases your awareness of its causes and consequences.

Another aspect of this practice is accepting reality, which helps in letting go of the delusion of control. Begin by increasing your awareness, compassion, observance, and presence of mind.

Mantras are a useful tool for managing your anger in addition to meditation. Mantras are words or phrases spoken repeatedly to concentrate the mind and encourage tranquility and relaxation.

Repetition of a mantra, such as “I choose peace over anger” or “I am calm and in control,” may have a favorable effect on mental health and well-being, including a reduction in depressive and anxious symptoms.

Both mindfulness practices and mantra exercises provide easy-to-use strategies for controlling anger when faced with difficult circumstances.

Perceptions of Anger

We often see rage as an aspect of ourselves that we wish did not exist. When someone says, “I hate being angry,” we associate it with something unpleasant or negative. Is it healthy to be angry? It is, in fact, neither. Anger is an emotion; why should it be bad, even if it might sometimes have a negative effect on us?

Sometimes, it takes anger to recognize issues in our surroundings. It assists us in recognizing when we could be in danger, when someone is threatening us, or when we need to act to defend others. It also plays a role in our ability to see injustice in the world and to discern when change is necessary.

Therefore, even while feeling furious could be bad, anger can be useful in bringing about the required changes. But you must control frequent anger by Steps to Deconstruct Your Anger.


Q: Why do they say, ‘Beware of the fury of a patient man’?

A: A patient man doesn’t lose his temper easily, but no one should take him for granted for that. If a patient man becomes furious, it can be uncontrollable.

Q: Can yoga help me to deconstruct anger?

A: Yoga and meditation bring lots of benefits. Controlling anger through various breathing techniques is one of them.

Q: What should I do if I have a short temper?

A: Try to keep yourself calm as much as possible. Talking to a counselor or psychiatrist can be helpful.

Leave a Comment